January 20, 2024
#54 - Healing from Work Woes, Pit Bull Predicaments, and Finding Inner Strength
Unfiltered UnionIn this deeply personal episode, Russ shares his traumatic experience with workplace toxicity, detailing how a job nearly destroyed his mental health and sense of identity. He describes working at a company that repeatedly promised career growth but ultimately marginalized him, treating him more like an errand boy than a valued employee. The workplace environment was so toxic that his manager would gaslight him, telling him his concerns were not based in reality, which led to significant emotional and psychological strain.
Russ and Lindz discuss how this toxic work environment impacted their family life, with Russ coming home late, exhausted, and emotionally distant. They reflect on the importance of mental health and the need to recognize when a job is causing more harm than good. The couple emphasizes that no job is worth sacrificing one's mental well-being and that employees should be willing to leave situations that are detrimental to their personal and professional growth.
The episode also touches on other topics, including their financial management using the Cube budgeting system, which helped them have a debt-free Christmas, and their decision to sell an unnecessary vehicle. They also discuss controversial topics like the potential pit bull ban in the UK and Russ's recent reading of the 'A Court of Thorns and Roses' book series. Throughout the conversation, they maintain their characteristic candid and humorous approach to discussing serious life challenges.
Workplace toxicity can lead to severe mental health challenges, with signs including constant gaslighting, unfulfilled promises, and feeling forced into roles that don't match one's skills or identity
Financial responsibility can be achieved through disciplined budgeting, as demonstrated by the couple's debt-free Christmas and strategic car reduction
The psychological impact of a toxic work environment extends beyond the workplace, potentially damaging personal relationships and family dynamics
Mental health should be prioritized over job loyalty; if a workplace consistently undermines an individual's well-being, it's crucial to seek alternative employment
Controversial topics like breed-specific dog bans (e.g., pit bulls in the UK) highlight complex ethical debates around animal rights and public safety
Personal growth often involves recognizing toxic situations, setting boundaries, and taking proactive steps to reclaim one's mental and professional identity
Reading and engaging in personal interests can be a therapeutic method for healing and reconnecting with oneself after a challenging professional experience
"If you can relate to our ramblings, we want to be friends with you. If you believe that we take it too far or our mouths are too much for you, then with as much love and sincerity as we can muster, you can suck it." - Lindz
- This quote captures the podcast's irreverent and unapologetic tone, setting the stage for their unfiltered discussions.
Chapter 1: Podcast Intros and Family Health Challenges
Russ and Lindz discuss their current family health challenges, including fever and potential illness, while playfully bantering about their podcast's introduction style. They reveal the ongoing medical issues affecting their household, highlighting the constant juggling of parental responsibilities during sickness.
- Family health challenges are a constant part of parenting, requiring ongoing attention and flexibility.
- The podcast hosts use humor and self-deprecation as a coping mechanism for daily stressors.
Key Quotes
Chapter 2: Financial Management and Debt-Free Living
Russ and Lindz discuss their financial strategies, including using the Cube budgeting system, reducing car expenses by selling an SUV, and managing Christmas spending without accumulating credit card debt. They emphasize the importance of pre-budgeting and making financially responsible decisions.
- Pre-budgeting can help prevent overspending and accumulating unnecessary debt.
- Reducing unnecessary expenses, like maintaining multiple vehicles, can significantly improve financial health.
Key Quotes
Chapter 3: Workplace Toxicity and Mental Health
Russ shares his deeply personal experience with workplace toxicity, discussing how his previous job led to a significant loss of personal identity, mental health struggles, and family disconnection. He describes the gaslighting and emotional manipulation he experienced, ultimately leading to his decision to leave the company.
- Workplace toxicity can profoundly impact personal identity and family relationships.
- Recognizing and addressing mental health challenges in a toxic work environment is crucial for personal well-being.
Key Quotes
Chapter 4: Controversial Topics and Cultural Discussions
Russ and Lindz engage in a nuanced discussion about various controversial topics, including Florida's driver's licensing requirements, potential drug testing for drivers, and the UK's pit bull ban. They explore different perspectives on personal freedoms, government regulations, and societal responsibilities.
- Discussions about societal regulations require careful consideration of individual rights and collective safety.
- Complex issues like breed-specific legislation demand balanced and empathetic dialogue.
Key Quotes
Chapter 5: Literary Interests and Personal Healing
Russ shares his recent reading experiences, specifically discussing the 'A Court of Thorns and Roses' book series. He describes his journey of reconnecting with himself through reading and explores the importance of finding personal interests as a form of mental health recovery.
- Reading can be a therapeutic tool for personal healing and self-rediscovery.
- Personal interests and hobbies play a crucial role in mental health recovery.
Key Quotes
concept
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Note: This transcript was automatically generated using speech recognition technology. While we will make minor corrections on request, transcriptions do not currently go through a full human review process. We apologize for any errors in the automated transcript.
This
is
the
Unholy
Union,
a
podcast.
Where
you'll
be
subjected
to
highly
offensive
marital
discourse.
If
you
do
not
feel
insulted
during
this
week's
episode,
don't
worry.
We'll
try
harder
next
week.
If
you
can
relate
to
our
ramblings,
we
want
to
be
friends
with
you.
If
you
believe
that
we
take
it
too
far
or
our
mouths
are
too
much
for
you,
then
with
as
much
love
and
sincerity
as
we
can
muster,
you
can
suck
it.
Welcome
to
the
Unholy
Union.
Dick.
I
don't
get
it.
Why
do
our
podcast
intros
like.
It
seems
like
90
of
the
time
is
one
word.
It's.
It's
one
word,
and
it's
always
has
to
do
with
some
kind
of
illness.
Just.
I
guess
what's
going
on
recently
is
lots
of.
I
don't
know
how
we're
still
alive.
Well,
you're
fine.
Let's
be
clear.
Not
really.
I've
got
a.
I
feel
like
I'm
working
on
a
little
bit
of
a
migraine,
but
I
think
that's
just
lack
of
sleep.
I
could
not
sleep
last
night.
Well,
yeah,
we're
on
fever
watch
right
now
with
kiddo,
so
getting
up,
taking
temperature,
making
sure
medicine's
on
the
right
cycle,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah.
And
last
week.
What
was
the
last
weekend?
No,
the
weekend
before
it
was
lice
again.
Yeah,
it's
just
constant.
We
need.
And
now
I
feel
like
I'm
getting
sick.
I
feel
nasally,
so
I
probably
sound
funny.
Yeah,
she
sounds
like
Darth
Sidious.
We'll
get
through
it.
No
worries.
We're
okay.
We're
hanging
out.
We're
good.
So
guess
what
we
did?
What
did
we
do?
We
had
zero
additional,
let's
be
clear,
credit
card
debt
for
Christmas.
I
know.
That's
a
freaking
huge
deal
for
us.
I
think
that'd
be
a
huge
deal
for
most
people.
Yeah.
Being
able
to
pay
for
Christmas
outright
rather
than
spending
it
on
credit
cards
and
pay
later.
Right.
Or
what
we
were
doing,
just
not
paying
and
paying
interest.
Yes.
Trying
to
catch
up
when
credit
card
interest
rates
are
astronomical.
You
just
can't.
Right.
So
we
did
it
through
Cube.
I
think
we've
talked
about
it
I
don't
know
how
many
times
now,
but.
Yeah,
it's
Digital
envelope
budgeting
system.
It
is
a
lifesaver.
I
agree.
It
actually
makes
you
responsible
because
you
can't
spend
money
that
you
don't
have.
Right.
Debit
cards
all
day
is
pretty
much
what
it
is,
except
for
the
additional
check,
if
you
will,
the
additional
due
diligence
that
you
have
to
do
to
make
sure
you
have
money
available
for
that
spend.
Yes.
Yep.
It's
pre
budgeting,
which
is
nice
because
we
tried
the
budgeting
apps.
They
never
work
because
it's
after
the
fact.
So
it's
like,
oh,
I
already
blew
through
too
much
money
this
month.
Never
worked
for
us.
Yep.
So
cube
all
day.
And
we
got
through
Christmas,
not
to
mention
our
kiddo's
birthday.
And
we
went
to
Disney.
Like
we
did
a
lot
in
the
month
of
December.
And
we
were
able
to
not
add
to
our.
And
we
did.
So
one
thing
that
we
did
do
that
we
thought
was
wise,
we
both
telework
now.
We
got
rid
of
one
of
our
cars.
Yep.
We
had.
We
have
two.
We
had
two
big
cars.
We
have
a
van,
which
is
our
recreational
vehicle
that
we
take
to
the
beach,
we
take
to
Disney,
things
of.
That
nature
and
what
is
it
called?
Mountain
bike
transportation.
There
you
go.
Yep.
Taxi
for
mountain
bikes.
That's
what
I
was
trying
to
say.
But
yeah,
so
it's
that.
And
then
we
had
an
suv,
which
was
your
commuter
for
the
longest
time.
Well,
you
work
from
home
now.
So
we
said,
no
reason
to
have
two
big
cars
with
two
pretty
big
payments.
Right.
And
we
sold
it
and
we
bought
a
tiny
car.
Literally.
That's
what
we
call
it.
Yeah.
So
it
is
a
Spark
Evolution.
And
it
was
like
8,000
bucks.
Right.
But
our
neighborhood
is
semi
golf
cart
friendly
and
we
were
just
going
to
get
a
golf
cart.
Yeah,
but
you
have
to
get
it
road
legal
because
our
neighborhood
isn't
designated
to
have
them.
Not
licensed.
Right.
So
we
were
going
to
do
that,
though.
The
problem
with
all
that
is
the
pricing
is
super
expensive.
A
street
legal
golf
cart
is
like
13,000
bucks.
Right.
We
were
going
to
do
it
though,
but
the
problem
is
we
are
in
the
lightning
capital
of
the
US
and
golf
carts
are
not
safe
in
lightning.
Tropical
storms,
you
know,
the
various
things
that
happen
in
Florida.
So
we
didn't
want
to
do
that.
The
Spark
was
like
the
next
step.
It
was
like
I
said,
$8,000.
It's
encased
in
metal.
So
you're
safe
in
a
thunderstorm.
Right.
It's
essentially
a
golf
cart,
but
I
can
go
80
miles
an
hour
in
it
too,
if
I
needed
to.
I
hope
you
never
have
to
go
80
miles
per
hour
in
our
neighborhood.
I
might.
No,
there's
some
jack
offs
who
do
that
already.
Oh,
my
God.
Don't
get
me
started
on
that.
Moving
on.
So,
yeah,
we
took
a
look
at
our
finances.
You
know,
again,
can't
say
enough
about
Cube.
We're
not
endorsed
by
them,
but
we
freaking
love
it
at
this
point.
But
took
a
look
at
the
finances
Started
to
trim
out
some
things
and
again
made
it
through
Christmas.
Yeah.
That
car.
It's
surprising
how
much
a
car
cost
you
every
month,
especially
when
you
realize
you're
like,
that
thing's
sitting
in
the
driveway.
Right.
It
was.
I
don't
even
know.
Insurance
in
Florida
is
not
cheap,
period.
Right.
And
that,
on
top
of
a
car
loan,
is
not
fun.
Well,
speaking
of
cars,
did
you
know
that
kids
in
Florida,
along
with
their
driver's
test,
in
order
to
get
their
license,
also
have
to
do
a
drug
and
alcohol
test?
It's
not
what
you're
thinking,
though.
They
don't
have
to
piss
in
a
cup.
No.
That
was
what
I
initially
thought
when
I
heard
this.
I
would
have
been
like,
no,
we're
not
doing
this.
This
is
not
nice.
What?
No.
Is
that
not
nice?
Because
they
don't,
they
can't
do
that
to
give
you
your
license,
like,
make
you
piss
in
a
cup.
Why
not?
Wait,
hold
on.
Okay,
so
let's
go
back
to
the
original
thing,
and
then
we'll
come
back
to
this.
This
topic.
Okay,
so
the
original
thing
is
Florida
kids
have
to
take
a
drug
and
alcohol
test
before
they
can
get
their
license
along
with
their
driver's
test.
The
actual
drug
and
alcohol
test
that
they
take,
though,
is
written,
right?
Yeah,
yeah.
It's
an
online
test.
Aunt.
Yeah,
it's
like
four
hours
they
have
to
sit
in,
like,
a
lecture
and.
Four
hours
of
don't
do
drugs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And
I
think
there's
like,
a
mini
quiz
test
thing.
I
don't
know,
something
along
those
lines.
And
it's
like,
dare.
Right.
Like
what
we
did
in
the
90s.
Yeah.
D.
I
won't
do.
Okay.
Anyways,
we
got
you.
I,
I,
you
didn't
have
to
do
that
in
Virginia.
That
wasn't
a
thing.
No,
the,
the
thing
that
got.
Or
that
gets
most
people
in
Virginia
is
a
sign
test.
Right.
They
kill
your.
You
can't
miss
one.
Huh?
That's
some.
I
failed
that,
like,
twice.
Did
you
really?
Yeah,
because
I
got
nervous.
You're
stand
out
there.
It's
like
you're
standing
in
front
of
people.
Well,
I'd
like
a
kiosk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But
you're
standing
up.
It's
not
like
a
test
in
a
room
where
you're
like
a
bubble.
Yeah.
You're
standing
at
a
computer
screen
and
you're
selecting
things,
and
you
just
want
to
get
it
done
because
you're
standing
up,
and
it's
just
awkward.
Yeah.
Well,
it
makes
me
wonder,
like,
do
they.
I
know
they
do
stuff
at
the
schools,
like,
to
teach
kids,
you
know,
drugs
are
bad
and
all
those
things.
But
so
it
almost
sounds
like
a
DARE
class,
though.
Like
what
we
did.
It
was
my
fifth
grade
that
we
did
that.
Yeah,
me
too.
So
it's
interesting
a
police
officer
taught
it.
But
to
your
point,
though,
that
was
originally
what
I
thought,
that
it
was
either
a
piss
or
blood
test
in
order
to
get
their
license.
And
what
would
be
wrong
with
that?
What
do
you
mean
what
would
be
wrong
with
that?
Don't
you
think
that
would
help
keep
people
who
have
issues
with
drugs
and,
or
alcohol
that
typically
happen
in
high
school
or
that
at
least
start
in
high
school,
keep
them
off
the
road?
Like
maybe
the
DUI
kids,
the
ones
that
get
drunk
from
a
party
and
go
drive.
Yeah,
but
now,
now
you're
slippery
sloping
and
saying
guilty
until
proven
innocent.
Not
necessarily.
Yes,
you
are,
because
you're
forcing
people.
That
you
have
to
take
a
drug
test
or
a
pee
test
right
before
you
can
get
a
job.
So
what's
the
difference
between
that
and
the
responsibility
of
being
a
responsible
driver?
Because
we
pay
for
these
roads
and
we
are
taxed
to
pay
for
these
roads
and
the
DMV
and
all
that
shit,
okay?
They
serve
us.
It's
not
a
job.
But
to
me,
you're
paying
for
these
roads
and
shit.
You
can't,
you
can't
make
somebody
do
a
drug
test
like
that.
I
mean,
like
an
invasive
drug
test.
That's
invasive.
That's
a
privacy
issue.
Okay,
so
I
can
see
your
point,
because
what
if
they
tried
to
do
that
for
voting,
right?
Like,
yeah,
they
want.
They
won't
even
check
your
ID
for
that.
Don't
get
me
started.
But
I
know,
but
if,
if
you
take
it
to
the
point
of,
okay,
you
need
this
for
your
driver's
license,
okay,
you
need
this
in
order
to
vote.
Okay?
You
know,
like
all
the
things,
right?
It's
the
government.
It's
totally
different
than
a
private
company.
A
private
company
can
say,
we
don't
want
anybody
that's
on
drugs
here.
And
yeah,
that's,
that's
true
for
driving
too.
We
don't
want
people
under
the
influence
of
anything
on
the
road.
But
you
can't
automatically
assume
they
are
on
drugs
and
say,
well,
you
got
to
do
a
drug
test
or
else
you
fail.
That's
not
what
I'm
saying,
though.
I'm
not
saying
you
pick
out
certain
people
to
give
it
to.
I'm
saying
anyone
who
gets
their
license
has
to
take
the
test.
So
it'd
be
the
same
across
the
board.
How
do
you
do
that?
That
doesn't
make
sense
because
that's.
You
are
making
someone
a
criminal.
That's
not
true.
Yeah.
You're
forcing
them
to
take
a
drug
test
because
other
people
do
bad
things.
It's
not
right.
Well,
a
lot.
There's
even
the
stance
that
people
should
take
drug
and
alcohol
tests
in
order
to
receive
welfare
or
other
sort
of
benefits.
So
I
mean,
I
see
the
argument
that
it's
almost
like
a
barrier
to
entry,
like
you
have
to
be
responsible
in
order
to
get
these
benefits.
But
I
can
also
understand
your
argument.
What
you're
trying
to
say
is
that
driving
is
not
a
benefit.
We
pay
into
the
roads,
blah,
blah,
blah.
But
yeah,
they
do
say
driving
is
a
benefit,
though.
Or
it's.
It's
a
privilege.
Yeah,
it's
a
privilege.
Which
is
not
a
right.
It's
because
we
pay
for
these
roads.
It's
not
like
those
roads
out
there
are
being
built
by
the
government
or
by
Joe
Schmo.
Right,
But
I
don't
want
irresponsible
people
on
the
road
with
me.
I
don't
either.
But
how
do
you.
The
barrier
to
entry
is.
So
then.
But.
But
then
that
goes
a
step
further.
Then.
You
need
to
take
a
drug
test
once
a
month
to
keep
driving.
Right.
I
agree.
Like.
Like
you
said,
it's
a
slippery
slope.
I
can
understand.
Because
what
else
would
it
then
become?
Yeah.
That's
why
they
do
the
interlocks
for
alcoholics,
because
they
were
caught
up.
Right.
You
have
to
now
do
a
breathalyzer
before
your
car
starts.
That's
totally
different
because
you
got
busted
for
being.
For
abusing
alcohol
and
driving.
Right.
I
get
what
you're
saying,
but
I
still
think
that
there
is
a
valid
argument
in
saying
that
it
would
be
a
barrier
to
entry
for
any
such
benefit.
But
again,
is
driving
a
benefit?
Well,
and
then
you
do.
You
have
to
have
a
Covid
shot
to
drive.
I
get
what
you're
saying.
I
said
I
understand
the
slippery
slope.
It's
bad.
When
you
start
giving
rights
like
that
over
to
the
feds
and
stuff
or
any
type
of
government
agency,
it
turns
into
a
nightmare.
They
don't
do
very
good
things
with
that
data.
True.
And
I
mean,
take
it
a
step
further
and
think
about
the
Pitbull
ban
in
UK
right
now.
I
don't
know
how
I
feel
about
that.
I
don't
either.
I
understand
that
there
is
more
to
a
dog
than
its
breed.
Right.
But
what
was
the
dog
bred
for?
The
dog.
Those
dogs
are
fighters.
Right.
They're
literally
fighting
dogs.
Have
you
seen
a
pit
bull?
The
freaking
head
is
like
an
alligator.
What
was
that
comedian?
I
can't
think
of
what
his
name
is
now,
but
he
said
a
pit
bull.
The
way
it
walks,
it's
muscles
in
its
shoulders
hunching
over.
Yeah.
You
can't,
you
can't
say,
oh,
that's
such
a
nice
dog.
They
pit
people
ain't
nice
dogs.
They
were
bred
for
a
purpose.
And
it's.
That's
fighting
like
they're
killers.
Right.
And
when
they
do
get
a
hold
of
you,
if
they
get
a
hold
of
you,
you
really
don't
stand
a
chance.
Right.
And
why
have
been
too
many
stories
of
that
exact
fact.
Exactly.
And
why
do
you
think
insurance
companies
ask
you
what
dog
breed
you
have?
Right.
Because
they're
liable
for
what
happens
inside
your
house.
So
if
you
have
a
house
sitter,
they
get
mauled
by
your
dog,
you
have
to
pay
extra
insurance
for
that
purpose.
Because
pit
bulls
are
known
for
that
kind
of
shit.
Right.
It
sucks.
Now,
do
I
think
the
current
living
pit
bulls
should
be
destroyed?
Absolutely
not.
No.
I
think
that's
too
far.
Like
you
want
to
say,
no
more
breeding
of
pit
bulls.
I
could,
I
could
be
okay
with
that.
I
think
I
could
understand
that
a
little
more
than
saying
any.
Because
what's
happening
right
now
is
any
pit
bull
that
is
in
a
pound,
the
dog
pound
in
the
uk,
putting
them
down,
is
going
to
be
euthanized.
Yeah.
I
don't
like
that.
That
is
a
step
too
far.
Because
it's
still
a
life,
it's
still
a
dog.
It's
still
something
that
didn't
choose
to
be
where
it's
at.
Right.
Right.
So
to
say,
maybe
stopping
the
breeding
of
pit
bulls.
Okay.
I
can
maybe
get
behind
that.
Yeah,
I
think
I
could
too.
Because
you
don't.
You
don't
breed
lions.
Right.
On
purpose
to
have
them
as
pets,
and
that
sounds
really
stupid,
but
lions
are
vicious
and
so
are
pit
bulls.
Right.
Do
I
think
people
should
have
pit
bulls
as
pets?
Not.
Probably
not.
Unfortunately.
Obviously
there's
still
some
that
are
in
the
system
that.
But
I
don't
really
think
that
that
should
be
a
breed
that
continues,
I
guess
you
could
say,
like,
just
let
them
go,
don't
kill
them,
don't
breed
them.
Right.
Don't
breed
them
and
let
them
slowly
fizzle
out.
Time
will
do
that.
Yep.
Because
there's
other
dog
breeds
out
there.
I
mean,
pit
bulls
part
something
and
part
something
else,
I'm
sure.
So
you
still
have.
I
don't
know.
I
don't.
I'm
not
a
fan
of
those
dogs,
to
be
honest
with
you.
They
scare
me.
Just
because
a
lot
of
the
time
those
horror
stories
are
about
kids.
Right.
And
it
terrifies
me
because
our
kid
plays
outside
somebody's.
Not
a
lot
people
are.
And
that's
the
other
thing,
too.
People
are
assholes
and
they
are
careless
with
their
dogs.
Yep.
You
have
to
have
them
on
a
leash.
And
if
you
are
not
strong
enough
to
hold
onto
a
pit
bull's
leash,
then
you
shouldn't
have
the
dog.
Right.
Because
they.
If
that
thing
takes
off
after
something
and
it's
got
that
instant
prey
drive,
it's
done.
Like,
you
have
to
be
powerful
enough
to
yank
that
thing
back
and
essentially
break
it
out
of
its
fury.
Yep.
If
you
don't.
Yeah.
If
you
don't,
bad
things
will
happen.
Yep.
So,
again,
I
think
I
can
get
behind
the
idea
of
stopping
the
breeding
of
pit
bulls.
Yeah.
But
what's
happening
in
the
UK
with
euthanization,
like,
it's
sad.
I
don't
like
that
either.
No,
I.
It's
still
an
animal.
And
I
like
animals,
especially
dogs.
Do
you
like
turtles?
I
do
like
turtles.
Me
too.
I'm
gonna
get
you
one
as
a
pet.
I
think
after
you
had
salmonella
in
high
school
from
petting
a
tortoise.
I
don't
think
that
would
be
a
good
idea.
The
class
pet.
And
then
I
accidentally
told
the
doctor
about
it
and
he
had
to
report
the
school.
I
felt
so
bad
about
it.
The
turtle's
still
there,
though.
Yeah,
still
kicking.
He's
fine.
But
the
teacher
posted
a
picture
of
him
the
other
day.
I've
had
you
for
what
it
was.
I
think
it
was
like
18
years
or
something.
I
was
30.
Well,
in
high.
In
this
high
school.
Oh,
gotcha.
I
don't
think
she's
been
there
for
30
years.
Maybe
she
has
now.
I
mean,
how
old
are
we?
Yeah,
maybe
it
is,
because
35.
I'll
be
dead
soon.
That
was
too
far.
Okay,
we're
gonna
take
it
back
to
a
lighter
note.
Well,
actually,
not
really
lighter.
One
of
the
big
topics
that
I
wanted
to
talk
about
today
is
something
that
I
feel
I
need
to
get
out
of
my
system.
We
haven't
done
it
yet
because
I
felt
like
I
needed
time
in
order
to
process.
For
sure.
You've
got
a
small
case
of
PTSD
from
this.
For
sure.
So
I
think
I'm
at
a
point
now
where
I'm
okay
to
talk
about
it.
Meaning
that
it's
not
going
to,
like,
send
me
into
depression
mode.
Right.
Mental
toxicity.
Well,
not
only
that,
we
did
have
that
interview
last
episode
with
Phoebe,
and
she
had
a
lot
of
insight
involved
in
utilizing
employees
that
shouldn't.
That
maybe
they're
not.
They
shouldn't
be
in
this
spot.
Their
skill
set
shows
them
here,
but
the
company
doesn't
adjust
to
that
person
well.
And
then
they
funneled
Them
into
whatever
they
want
to
mold
them
into,
even
though
it
doesn't
make
sense.
She
had
a
lot
of
insight
into
things
like
that,
which
I
think
kind
of.
It
made
you
feel
better.
Yeah.
One
thing
that
really
sparked
for
me,
one
of
the
things
that
she
said
was
she
couldn't.
I'm
sorry.
One
thing
that
she
said
was
she
lost
her
identity.
And
working
at
one
of
her
workplaces.
Yes.
That
was
100%
you.
Absolutely.
I
can't
stress
this
enough.
So
let
me.
Let's
take
a
step
back
real
quick.
I
worked
at
a
company
for
over
a
year
and
a
half
and
the
role
was
administrative
role,
so
I
was
supporting
executives.
And
it
was
a
role
that
I
was
comfortable
with
when
I
accepted
it.
Yeah.
I
interviewed
with
four
different
groups
of
people
at
the
company.
I
liked
the
company,
the
mission.
I
could
get
behind
it.
I
was
all
in.
Right.
And
even
the
people
I
worked
for,
I
really
liked
them.
I.
At
first,
right
at
the
beginning,
when
I
went
into
the
company,
when
I
started,
I
was
all
in.
Like,
I.
Yeah,
I
was
all
in
for
you
because
it's
like
you
just
said,
the
mission
was
awesome.
Right.
It
was
something
that
I
felt
like
I
could
get
behind
and
I
was
all
in.
Well,
as
the
job
progressed
and
I
got
more
into
the
groove,
I
found
my
essentially
quote,
unquote
place,
if
you
will.
I
really
felt
like
I
started
to
lose
myself.
I
was
trying
really
hard
to
fit
a
role
that
they
needed.
Right.
And
didn't
feel
like
I
was
being
myself.
Yeah,
you
were
being
pressured
into
changing,
not
the
other
way
where
they
should
be
changing
and
absorbing
you
for
your
strengths.
Right.
So
I
truly
felt
like
I
lost
my
identity.
Well,
and
what's
interesting
about
that
whole
experience
too
was
you
were
told
you
were
going
to
be
put
in
the
area
of
strength
for
you.
Right.
So
over
the
year
and
a
half
of
being
at
this
company,
I
started
getting
a
lot
of
promises.
Like
within
the
first
six
months,
I
was
having
literally
sit
downs
with
executive
leadership
and
they
were
telling
me
big
things
were
coming
my
way.
And
over
the
last
part,
so
first
six
months,
big
things
are
coming
your
way,
and
then
from
there
forward,
so
another
12
months,
it
was
promise,
promise,
promise.
Yeah.
You
were
collaborating
to
design
your
role.
Right.
And
it
ended
up
becoming
something
minuscule.
It
was
almost
a
step
down
from
what
your
current
job
was.
Right.
It
was
essentially
a
slap
in
the
face.
Yes.
That
is
all
happening.
Right.
All
of
these
pieces
of
the
idea
of
growing
within
this
company.
Right.
And
then
the
slap
in
the
face
comes.
It's
not
going
to
happen.
But
on
top
of
all
that,
again,
I'm
trying
to
fit
a
mold
that
I'm
starting
to
realize
isn't
me
for
sure.
What
they
wanted
was
not
who
I
was.
And
me
trying
to
force
it
was
literally
killing
me.
It
was
sucking
the
life
out
of
you.
It's
not
just
them
forcing
you
into
this,
in
this
mold
that
you
didn't
fit.
It
was
forcing
you
in
for
our
way.
After
hours
every
day,
I
never
knew.
So
I
try
to
cook
dinner
at
a
certain
time
or
wait
for
you
so
we
can
go
out
to
eat.
And
I
never
knew
what
time
you
were
going
to
get
home.
So
half
the
time
I
would
still
cook
at
5
o'clock
and
then
I
would
feed
me
and
the
kiddo
and
then
yours
would
be
in
the
fridge.
Yep.
Because
I,
I,
I
never
knew.
And
I
couldn't
rely
on
even
communicating
with
me.
Right.
Because
you'd
say,
hey,
we're,
we're
scheduled
to
leave
early
today,
so
I'll
be
home
at
3.
Nope,
didn't
happen.
Got
home
at
7:00.
Yeah,
7:00.
And
you,
and
you
left
early
too.
It
was
like.
Well,
yeah,
you
left
here
about
7:00,
so
it
was
like
12
hour
shift.
And
that's
Monday
through
Friday.
And
then
on
the
weekend
sometimes
you
had
to
take
phone
calls
and
shit.
Yep.
So
I
got
to
a
point
where
I
realized
this
wasn't
for
me.
I
lost
myself
to
the
point
where
I
didn't
have
a
sense
of
my
family.
Not
that
you
guys
weren't
there
for
me,
but
I
wasn't
involved
anymore.
Well,
you
weren't
there.
You
were
in.
Physically,
yeah.
You
were
an
empty
shell
because
you
got
home
at
7,
you
ate
dinner,
went
to
bed
and
we,
we
get
our
kiddo
to
bed
at
about.
Well,
we
don't
get
her
to
bed
at
8.
We
start
getting
her
ready
at
8,
she's
in
bed
by
8:30.
So
you
had
30
minutes.
Yep.
It
was
messed
up.
Yep.
And
then
that
created,
I
mean,
it
sounds
terrible
because
it
makes
me
sound
like
I'm
a
tool,
but
it
created
distance
between
us
too.
Because
I
don't
think
that
makes
you
sound
like
a
tool.
I
think
the
pressure
of
what
I
felt
was
spilling
into
our
family.
Well,
and
then
I
felt
pressure.
Exactly.
Because
I
felt
like
I
was
not
single,
dad.
Because.
No,
that's
not
true.
But
after
school.
Yeah,
kinda.
Because
it's
like,
all
right,
well,
I
gotta
make
sure
she
gets
home.
I
gotta
make
sure
she
sits
down
and
does
her
homework.
I
gotta
make
sure
that
she's
fed.
I
can't
let
her
starve
because
I'll
go
to
Jail.
So
it
really
did
just
snowball
into
this
idea
of.
Or
not.
Not
idea.
It
literally
just
snowballed
into
total
loss
of
identity.
I
lost
myself.
I
was
in
almost
full
depression
mode.
All
it
got
to
the
point
where
there's
a
lot
of
gaslighting
and
toxicity.
Yes.
To
the
point
where
my
manager
is
saying
one
thing
to
me
and
literally
looked
at
me
at
one
point.
She
had
been,
what
I
want
to
call
it,
gaslighting
me
about
this
new
role
for
months.
Right?
What?
She
was.
She
was
the
main
one
to
help
you
design
this
role.
Right.
For
months
she
had
been
gaslighting
me
about
it.
And
when
I
finally
confronted
her
after
she
brought
it
up
again.
Yes.
And
basically
forced
the
issue,
like,
is
this
happening
or
not?
She
goes,
you're
not
connected
to
reality.
Yeah.
You're.
You're.
Your
issues
aren't
based
in
reality
or
something
like
that.
Exactly.
So
she's.
She's
saying,
you're
a
fucking
lunatic.
Right.
So
at
that
point,
I
was
done.
I
had
a
coworker,
a
couple.
Well,
it's
probably
been
almost
five
years
at
this
point.
Say
to
me
that
you
can
find
peace
at
work
or
at
home,
and
a
lucky
few
have
peace
in
both.
It's
when
you
don't
have
it
in
either
place
that
your
health
takes
the
impact.
And
that's
where
I
got.
Yeah.
I
got
to
the
point
where
I
did
not
have
peace
at
work.
I
did
not
have
peace
at
home.
And
not
because
you
and
our
daughter
were
bad.
No,
you.
I
was
bad.
Right.
You
felt
out
of
it
and
lost
and
not
part
of
the
family
at
that
point
because,
I
mean,
sounds
terrible,
but
you
really
weren't.
Right.
So
all
that,
in
my
mind,
I
was
done
after.
After
that
conversation,
I
was
done.
It
was
time
to
move
on.
I
knew
for
my
own
mental
health
that
I
could
no
longer
work
there.
Yeah.
And.
Yeah.
And
it.
If
it
was
affecting
us
here,
you
were.
You
would
get
semi
snippy.
I
mean,
not
on
purpose.
Be
honest.
Go
ahead.
Not
on
purpose.
I
was
an
asshole.
You
would
get.
You'd
be
grumpy
when
you
got
home
because
it's
7.
7:30.
Yep.
You
were
hungry.
And
don't
fucking
talk
to
Linds
when
she's
hungry.
She'll
chew
your
leg
off.
I
do
get
hangry.
So
does
our
kid.
But
one
of
the
things
that
the
company
always
said
about
people
who
left
was
that
they
couldn't
hack
it.
Right.
The
company,
as
the
executive
leadership,
the
team
would
always
say
about
people
who
left
the
company
is
that
they
couldn't
hack
it.
What
does
that
say
about
you
as
A
company.
It
was
never
a.
An
internal
culture
problem
that
they
felt
they
needed
to
address.
Exactly.
If
you
have
to
say
that
they
couldn't
hack
it.
All
these
people
are
leaving
because
they
couldn't
have.
That's
the
thing.
You
weren't
the
only
one
to
bounce
within
a
very
short
period
of
time.
You're
a
gaslighter.
It
was
a
mass
exodus.
This
is
toxic.
Obviously,
it's
not
them.
It's
your
culture.
Right.
And
you
blaming
it
on
the
people
that
are
leaving
is.
You
are
lying.
You're
once
again
gaslighting.
Yep.
You're
gaslighting
the
people
that
are
there.
Yep.
And
I.
I
got
really
lucky.
I
had
a
friend
on
who
was
a
recruiter.
I
found
a
new
role.
And
literally
after
I
accepted
that
new
role,
my
letter
to
say
that
I
was
leaving
was
not
a
letter
of
resignation.
I
know.
I
think
you
messed
that
up,
though.
I
don't
think
it
was
a
letter
of
termination.
I
terminated
myself.
I
am
executed.
I
mean,
that's
the
mindset
I
was
in.
Like,
I
need
to
get
out
of
here
now.
And
I
swear
to
God,
I
did
not
do
that
on
purpose.
No,
I
did
not
put
letter
of
termination
on
purpose.
I
was
in
such
a
panic
mode
to
get
out
because
I
knew
what
was
happening
with
myself.
So,
again,
talking
to
Phoebe
and
hearing
her
say
that
she
lost
her
identity,
it
really,
like,
hit
me
over
the
head.
Yeah.
Like,
I
cannot
be
in
a
role
where
I
cannot
be
present
at
home
and
have
peace
at
home.
Right.
Because
of
work.
Like,
that
is
not
right.
I
can't
do
that.
Well,
I
mean,
the
mind
fuckery
that
they
played
on
you
created,
like,
its
own
mental
health
issue,
because
claiming
that
you're
not
based
in
reality
and
what
you're
saying
and
doing
is
not
based
in
reality,
that's
borderline
telling
you
you
need
to
go
check
yourself
in.
Mental
abuse.
That's
what
I'm
saying.
Right.
Yeah,
it's.
It's
not
right.
Nobody
should
say
that
to
anybody
unless
you're
trying
to
literally
talk
your
family
member
into
going
to
check
themselves
in,
which
might.
They
might
need
it.
Right.
Hey,
you're
saying
things
that
aren't
really
based.
Reality.
We
need
to
go
take
you
over
there.
Right.
That's
not
something
that
your
boss
does,
though.
It
isn't.
It
shouldn't
be.
Brochure.
No,
it
isn't.
It's.
It's.
It's
mental
abuse.
You
are
making
your
employee
feel
like
they're
wrong
at
everything.
And
it's
been
some
time
now,
I've
taken
quite
a
bit
of
time
to
essentially
Heal.
I
feel
like
with
taking
the
new
role
that
or
back
then,
it
was
a
new
role.
The
new
role
that
I
had
and
taking
time
to
honestly
reconnect
with
myself,
with
you,
with
our
kid.
Like,
the
whole
personal
life
aspect
that
my
new
role
allowed
me.
I
was
able
to
heal.
Yeah.
And
I'm
at
a
point
now
where
I
feel
like
I
am
healthier
mentally
after
all
that.
You
still
get
traumatic
flashbacks,
but
that's.
I
literally
had
a
nightmare
last
night
because
I
knew
we
were
going
to
talk
about
podcast.
It's
so
bad.
It
really
is.
But
I
even
have
a
friend
that
she
and
I
talk
all
the
time.
We
send
each
other,
you
know,
reels
all
the
time,
back
and
forth.
Yeah.
No,
but
it's
got.
She
and
I
comment
all
the
time.
We
had
worked
at
the
same
company
that
you
get
to
a
point
where
the
bad
company
reels.
Like,
oh,
I
hate
my
job
reels.
You
don't
connect
with
them
as
much
anymore.
And
that's
where
she
and
I
are
at
now.
Like,
we
don't
identify
so
much.
It's
still
funny.
Yeah.
But
we
don't
identify
so
much
as
having
that
toxicity
of
a
bad
company.
And
we
can
tell
that
we
are
both
healing.
She's
had
less
time
than
me,
but
I
feel
like
I've
gotten
to
a
point
now
where
a.
I
can
talk
about
it
without
literally
feeling
like
I
did
something
wrong
in
that
whole
situation.
Literally.
That
was
my
dream.
The
whole
dream
was
I
was
wrong.
Well,
that's
what
they
were
doing.
Right.
You
not
being
based
in
reality
is
saying
that
you
are
wrong.
Right.
So
again,
I've
gotten
to
the
point
where
I
think
I'm
reconnecting
with
myself,
with
you,
with
our
kiddo.
We
are
healing.
We're
moving
on.
And
I
can
be
at
peace
at
home
and
have
work,
which,
honestly,
I
feel
like
I
have
peace
in
right
now.
Yeah,
you're
good
at
it.
I'm
enjoying
what
I'm
doing.
I'm
having
fun.
Well.
And
I
don't
feel
like
someone
is
constantly
bashing
my
mental
health.
Right.
And
you
know
what
really
bugged
me
about
that
place,
too,
was
you
had.
They
made
you
grab
lunch
every
day
and
you
had
to
use
your
own
vehicle
and
you
went
out
every
single
day
to
pick
them
up
lunch
all
over
Bum
Egypt.
Is
that
a
bad
word?
Is
that
a
real
place?
All
right,
I'm
good.
But
my
point
is,
though,
is
like,
they.
They
had
no
sympathy
to
wear
and
tear
on
your
vehicle.
It
was
like.
But
honestly,
those
moments
were
a
reprieve
for
me.
Yeah.
To
get
out
for
sure.
And
be
away.
So
I
didn't
see
it
that
way.
Yeah,
but
I
don't.
I
look
at
it
as
being
disrespectful
of
you
and
your
time.
Like,
you
weren't,
you
weren't
there
to
be
an
errand
boy
or
a,
you
know,
doordash
driver.
But
again,
like,
at
the
time,
I
didn't
see
it
that
way.
But
I
get
what
you're
saying,
but.
They
should
have
given
you
a
vehicle,
one
of
their
cars
to
go
pick
up
food,
maybe.
But
looking
back
on
a
lot
of
it
now,
like
the
role,
the
person
that
they
wanted
is
exactly
what
you
said
they
wanted
an
errand
boy.
They
didn't
want
someone
who
would
strive
for
more
Shit.
Is
that
gender
neutral?
Aaron
Boy.
Moving
on.
Okay,
if
you
get
offended,
you
should
not
be
listening.
I
was
just
checking.
Just.
Aaron,
Aaron,
Aaron.
We'll
try
harder
next
week
if
you're
not
offended.
Aaron,
they.
Okay,
so.
But
I
look
back
on
it
now
and
to
that
point,
again,
I
do
think
that's
what
they
were
looking
for,
someone
to
run
those
errands.
Whereas
what
I
want
in
a
company
is
a
place
that
will
let
me
thrive.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
And,
and
they're
not
afraid
for
you
to
criticize
or
ask
questions
and
make
changes
there.
You
were
forced
to
be
a
good
little
soldier
and
fall
in
line.
You
follow
orders
or
you're
dead
to
me.
Right.
And
again,
I
can
do
that
to
an
extent.
Right.
I
have
my
own
personal
goals,
things
that
I
want
to
achieve
within
my
career.
Right.
I
was
not
allowed
to
want
that.
But
you
were.
See,
that's
the
problem
too,
is
your
first
six
months,
they
dangled
the
golden
carrot
in
front
of
your
face.
Right.
They
were
offering
you
everything
that
you've
ever
wanted
in
your
career.
Right.
Multiple
times,
over
and
over
again.
And
then
all
of
a
sudden,
after.
A
year
of
trying
to
get
to
that
point.
Yeah.
After
a
year
of
meetings
once
a
week,
twice
a
week
to
design
this,
this
position,
they
said,
oh,
never
mind,
we're
going
to
go
ahead
and
essentially
demote
you.
Yeah.
So
again,
all
that
to
say
it's
now
something
that
I
can
talk
about
a
little
more
freely.
I
mean,
I
still
feel
like
I
got
really
passionate
talking
about
it.
Yeah,
but
that's
normal
for
something
like
that.
I
know,
but
I,
I
feel
like
I
still
have
some
things
to
kind
of
just
like
let
go.
Right.
I
feel
like
this
is
going
to
help
with
that.
One,
talking
about
it,
putting
it
out
there.
And
two,
I
want
to
make
the
point
of
understand
your
mental
health
and
its
limits.
Right.
If
you're
somewhere,
I
don't
care
if
it's
in
a
relationship.
I
don't
care
if
it's
at
a
company.
I
don't
care
what
the
deal
is.
But
it
is
impacting
your
mental
health
and
you
try
to
stick
it
out.
The
only
person
you're
hurting
is
you.
Yeah,
you're
hurting.
You
and
most
likely
your
family.
Right.
Anybody
who
cares
about
you.
So
don't
do
it,
like,
identify
the
problem.
And
even
if
it's
a
job
like
mine
was,
there
are
other
jobs
out
there.
You're
gonna
have
to
hustle
and
find
people
who
are
recruiters
like
I
did,
or
find
someone
out
there
who's
hiring.
Just
pound
cement.
Right.
Go
and
find
something
to
replace
the
job
that
you're
in
and
get
out.
Yeah.
Or
replace
the
relationship.
Get
out.
Because
your
mental
health
is
more
important
than
anything
else
in
the
world.
Without
your
mental
health,
you
are
not
you.
Yeah.
And
when
you
leave
or
whatever,
you're
gonna
be
replaced.
Yep.
So
don't
think
like,
oh,
I'm
gonna
hurt
them
if
I
leave,
you
know?
No.
Well,
if
they're
impacting
your
mental
health
and
they
had
no
loyalty
to
you.
To
begin
with,
a
hundred
percent.
So
take
that
out
of
the
equation
completely.
Well,
I
know
what's
best
for
you.
But
some
people
think.
I'm
not
trying
to
invalidate
what
you
just
said.
No,
I
know.
Just
some
people
do
think
that
they've,
you
know,
they've
given
a
lot
of
stuff
to
their
company
and
their
company
is
better
because
of
them.
And
if
they
leave,
somebody
else
is
going
to
have
to
take
over
their
job
for
a
while.
They're
going
to
feel
bad.
Well,
they're
going
to
replace
you
if.
That
happens
or
if
this
is
happening
to
you.
And
that's
how
you
feel.
They
never
had
loyalty
to
you
to
begin
with.
You're
a
number.
Exactly.
Period.
Move
on.
You
have
to,
for
your
own
mental
health.
Speaking
of
reconnecting
to
myself,
one
thing
I
certainly
did
not
do
during
that
time
was
read.
Yeah,
I
know.
You're
doing
that
a
lot
now,
huh?
A
court
of
thorns
and
roses.
Have
you've
heard
of
this?
Right?
Well,
yeah.
Because
of
me
or
because
of
social
media?
Because
of
you.
I
don't
really
do
a
whole
lot
of
social
media
stuff.
Well,
everybody's
been
talking
about
it.
Acotr,
right?
Yep.
Is
the
initials.
And
everybody's
doing
reels
and
everybody's,
you
know,
gotta,
gotta
read
these
books
because
they're
spicy
fantasy.
I've
read
Spicier,
but
what
I
just
wanted
to
say
about
it,
it
is
a
different
type
of
fantasy.
Romance,
ish.
Novel.
There's
a
lot
of
the
different
courts.
Meaning
if
you
think
of
Game
of
Thrones
families.
Exactly.
There's
a
lot
of
that.
There's
a
whole
world
different
families
in
it.
The.
Yeah.
Fights
and
battles,
those
kinds
of
things.
I
did
not
like
the
first
book.
A
Court
of
Thorns
and
Roses.
I
did
not
like
that
book.
Yeah,
very
first
one.
But
you
did
say
it's
required
reading,
though.
Absolutely.
You
should
read
that
before
you
move
on
to
any
of
the
other
books.
Get
through
it.
I
promise
the
other
books
are
better.
The
second,
third,
and
I'm
currently
on.
I
think
she
calls
it
3.5.
And
then
there's
a
fourth,
and
I
think
there's
a
fifth
coming
out,
are
all
way.
Well,
the
ones
that
I've
read
so
far.
So.
2.
3.
3.5
are
all
way
better.
Like,
stories
are
very
well
fleshed
out.
The
romance
is
there.
And
some
people
call
it
spicy.
And
I'm
like,
I've
read
spicier,
but
okay,
spicy.
But
overall,
I
think
it's
a
really
good
story.
Would
you
read
it?
No.
Rude.
Why?
It's
not
my
thing.
You've
read
it.
Hunger
Games,
It's
a
little
different.
Why?
That's
murdering
kids,
killing
each
other,
and.
And
it
was
like,
there's
a
war
in
this.
Yeah,
I
know,
but
this
was
like
a
revolutionary
thing
because
it
was
this.
Because
of.
What
was
it?
Pan.
Pan
Am.
Panam.
Maybe
Pan.
Move
on
the.
Whatever
the
continent
or
the
country
was
that
they
were
in
in
Hunger
Games.
Oh,
my
God.
Pan
Am.
But,
yeah,
they
essentially
rise
up
from
slavery
and
revolution
and
kill
the
Capitol
people.
A
very
similar
premise
exists
in
this
book.
Yeah,
but
this
wasn't
spicy.
I'm
gonna
read
all
that.
Oh,
please.
When
I
told
you
about
spicy
and
you
said
I
read
spicy
books.
What.
What
were
your
examples
of
those
spicy
books?
Your
nerd
books?
I
didn't
say
spicy.
I
said
that.
You
said
it
has
to
have
love
in
it.
And
I
said,
okay,
well,
there
is
love
in
World
of
Warcraft.
No,
I
said
sex.
No,
you
said
love.
Oh,
honey.
Is
love
sexy
you?
Oh,
my
God,
you're
so
romantic.
Yeah.
That's
nice.
Talking
about
a
video
game
book,
and
you're
over
here
talking.
So
now.
No,
I
have
a
hard
time
reading
now.
Why?
I
don't
know.
I.
I
did
read
an
entire
book
in,
like,
two
days.
Just
recently,
though.
Starcraft
book
that
just
came
out.
That's
another
nerd
one.
But
I
enjoyed
it.
I
just.
My
Kindle's
been
stolen,
so.
That
is
true.
Kiddo
and
her
bad
guy
butts.
Oh,
yes.
Just
had
to
get
her
all
those
on
there
and
she's
reading
the
hell
out
of
them
books.
She
likes
those
books
a
lot.
I
do
too.
Especially
piranha
farting
all
the
time
and
stuff.
But
I
will
work
on
this.
I
think
I'm
we're
gonna
make
a
deal
so
that
you
read
these.
I'm
not.
I
need
a
reading
partner.
There's
book
clubs
in
the
neighborhood.
Well,
I
will
be
joining
one
in
February
but
until
then,
Goodreads
Book
club.
Discuss
it
with
everybody.
Have
fun.
Thanks.
Okay.
Love
you.
Thanks
for
listening
to
the
Unholy
Union
podcast.
For
more
Unholy
Union
content,
check
check
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Again,
thank
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We
hope
to
have
you
back
next
week.
It's
what
you
do
with
things
you
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